Rummaging through the debris of my thoughts and memories. Some memories jump out vibrantly like a spark of fire, igniting my heart. Some, dying embers, I want to tuck away, away from the world. It’s a lonely heart, craving the soothing warmth of love.
Everyone is alone in this strange city. This city of blinding lights. No one sees your tears. No one hears your laughter. No one hears you scream. No one holds your hand. No one holds you.
And each day you wake up to a promise of finding what you are looking for. Each night you go back to your empty apartment with a bleak, but still beating heart. The constant hum of the city slowly puts you to sleep, the lights still shining in your eyes showing you distant dreams that burn bright.
Such is the addiction of this city, this life, this fight…..it won’t let you stop.
Each day, you add to your debris of memories, unable to tell them apart anymore….the good…the bad…
You are here. You are now. You are a survivor.
Tomorrow may come. It may not. But you have battles to face.
It’s difficult to have a mind without fear.
But your heart is a reckless creature. Bruised. Hurt. Fearless. Craving love. With a mind of its own!
And I wait……each day….everyday…coz I still haven't found what i'm looking for....
Thursday, March 01, 2012 | | 0 Comments
After years and years of bickering and hoping and wishing and praying for it, it finally came true!!
I have finally moved out of my parent’s house!
Living in a rented apartment with a dear friend. Away from home. Blisssss!!!
Paying rent and all. And bills! *facepalm* oh well. No cash support from parents. Zilch. I’m growing up! Woooot!
Not exactly a rosy life, that I imagined it to be, but it’s not bad at all! It’s a battle everyday as I struggle with my ever diminishing finances, trying to feed myself on time. Keeping the house clean, chasing lizards and bees every now and then, feeding the cat once in a while so that she doesn’t poop in front of my door, waking up early each morning to make sure that the water fills up in the tank and then waiting for the maid to open the door for her, doing the dirty laundry, sorting out the clean laundry and placing them in the cupboard! Making sure that the garbage is kept out for the cleaners to collect it. Making trips to the supermarket occasionally to replenish the stock of toiletries,ODOMOS/ mosquito zapper racquet/mosquito coils and maybe some groceries! :P Wow! Now I know what mothers go through!
And then you have to learn to ignore the strange noises and weird screams and dog howls you hear every night! *shudders*
And I hate that time of the month, when you realize you have zero balance in your account and you have to pay quite a few bills. *shakes head*
But moving out of your parent’s house has its perks!
You can come home late to a warm friendly smile, who will ask you, ‘Hey! How was your day?? You look tired! Should I make you some green tea??’ as opposed to ‘Have u seen the time?!?! Why are you so late?!!?! Is this a decent time for girls to come home!?!?’ *rolls eyes*
You can saunter to BRU world café at 12 midnight and satisfy your craving for a chocolate milkshake!
You can come home smashed and drenched after a drunken tryst with the sea at versova sea face.
You can go watch a late night movie on a whim!
You can eat on the bed without being yelled at by your mum!
You can wear shorts and mini skirts and noodle strap tops and get out of the house, without having to face a ‘ WTF are you wearing??! Are you going to go out dressed like THAT?!’ look from a parent!
You can come home, tired, and just crash on the bed, without changing/washing your feet/ answering stupid questions about curfews!
All in all, life's good! :)
Somehow this song keeps popping up in my head….and I totally relate to it….
I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby
What it all comes down to
Is that everything's gonna be fine fine fine
'cause I've got one hand in my pocket
And the other one is giving a high five
I feel drunk but I'm sober
I'm young and I'm underpaid
I'm tired but I'm working, yeah
I care but I'm restless
I'm here but I'm really gone
I'm wrong and I'm sorry baby
Monday, June 27, 2011 | | 4 Comments
Just checked my blog. Last entry April 19 2010.
I had just quit my job. It was good place. I had a great salary. I had met some great people there. I had some memorable times there! But it was all gone. I was still living with my parents. I was broke. I was jobless. The promise of a great career and moving out of my house and living an independent life were slowly fading away.
And then my life changed. One project. One movie. And everything was different. I landed myself a big break as a costume designer. I made some great first impressions and some lasting bad ones. I made some huge mistakes. I made some selfish decisions. I hurt some egos. I hurt someone else’s feelings. I hit rock bottom and I rose again. I learnt the biggest lessons of my life.
It’s so strange sometimes how life takes you through these crazy roller-coaster rides. How it decides to teach you some things the hard way. Its funny how, when you just begin to get used to a certain kind of reality, life decides to show you the bigger picture. It’s like you were staring at the world through a periscope and suddenly you are given stereoscopic vision! Now staring at staggering reality!
Now that I look back I realize how incredibly stupid I was to believe and trust certain people. How unbelievably naive I was to make some decisions. Bad decisions. I saw how quickly people change .How easy it is for someone to screw you over. I saw the flipside to everything. I saw the dark side of the moon. But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Or stranger?? Heh! I wouldn’t know yet. I’m still trying to get my act together. God help me.
And then comes the obvious bit. Moving on. Easier said than done.
But sometimes, all it takes is someone else’s faith in you, when you have none.
A stranger’s faith ……in you.
Such is life……
Tuesday, May 31, 2011 | | 3 Comments
First loves are always tricky.
It’s a lot of firsts.
First jealousy pangs, first compliment, first ‘aww-moment’, first time you say ‘I love you’ to a boy, first kiss.
And then the fights, the misunderstandings, the tears and finally, the first heart-shattering break up.
The tricky part is moving on.
After that is done, are you ready to do it all over again?
Maybe not. What changes?
You see, Wisdom is the opposite of love, and love survives within us precisely coz it isn't wise. It’s like being in this love boat….where slowly the boat gets so overcrowded with love and stupidity and emotions, that to keep it afloat, you start throwing out your pride, your self respect, your logical reasoning...and when there is nothing else to be thrown out, the boat starts sinking...taking you down with it...it's inevitable.
So you get smart and you try your best to not fall in love again.
It’s sort of a Defense mechanism. You just don’t put yourself in a position where the other person can hurt you, before he/ she hurts you. It works just fine.
Does that make you cold hearted? Being wary of love? Or does that make you a cynic?
Being cautious is not a bad thing right? That does not make me a closed book….or does it?
Working class professionals.
There are many things you experience and eventually realize when you start working….when you step into the ‘real world’.
You will meet people who will have an exasperating knack of annoying the crap out of you.
You will meet more people who will have an incredible ability to be daft!
You will definitely meet people who will have this burning need to be rude to anyone and everyone they lay their eyes on.
You will meet those typical villager housewives who LOVE talking about their husbands 24/7 to anyone who is ready to listen!!
And then you will most certainly meet that usually loathed and popularly detested breed of ‘boss’s chamchas’ a.k.a ‘boss’s ass kissers’(I dislike them so much, even saying it makes me hiss! :P)
Well, I’ve got to admit…it amuses me to an extent of self entertainment when I have nothing productive to do.
‘Where are you from?’ , Is a question that I have had to answer here a zillion times. I don’t mind.
I’m used to being called a Bengali or an Assami . But, South Indian was new. So was Marwari.
One girl had never even heard of a place called Orissa. She didn’t even know that it is a state in the east if India. Wow. Ok. And here I thought I was bad at geography! (fyi, I’m from Orissa.)
Someone once told me that I could get away with almost anything because of my smile. I did not believe that until now.
I’ve noticed that a warm smile goes a long way. It also gets a lot of work done! So I make sure I dazzle people with my sweetest, warmest smile! ;) Oh well!
The design room is situated in a loft ! yes….loft…a tiny, dingy little loft that boasts of two split a/c’s and 14 tables, 14 ‘airplane ’cabinets,1 centre table and an ultra low ceiling! Haa! Finally one benefit of being short! ;)
My taste buds for tea have re-adjusted itself to the office tea. First few days were weird. Now I make sure I don’t miss my daily cup of tea.
These days I get these random cravings for steaming hot samosas and vada pavs.
I also get random sleep attacks in the middle of a work day.
I think it’s the season !
Or maybe coz I'm working so goddamn hard! ;)
Just looking out of the tiny excuse of a window in the loft, watching water trickling down its sills, makes me dream of my cozy bedroom, curled up in a blanket, cuddled up with him. :)
One missed call from my boss is enough to make me snap out of it.
I have finally surrendered to the kurla route.
Kurla. I hate kurla. Period.
But I change trains from there every single day. Twice!
Makes me wish for teleportation so bad!!
I’m still waiting for my very first pay check.
I know shopping will make me feel a LOT better!
I'm a Working class professional.
Sunday, July 12, 2009 | | 7 Comments
I was born.
*woohoo* my parents probably thought.
"I think I'll do fashion designing."
Mum meted out the silent treatment for 2 weeks.
"Ok ma. I'll do naval architecture. Just like dad. I'll study for IIT entrance."
Yeah rrright! like I can EVER do that!
Mum started talking again.
"I want to do arts."
"You will do science. Stop thinking about fashion designing! Its not a credible choice of profession! Go for engineering its safe! and take science. You may change your mind about fashion!"
"Ok. Science it is"
I'm so gonna suck at this!
12 std board exams.
Aarrgghhh! i suck at this!!! i can't do engineering!!! I hate science!!!
*Dreams about joining NIFT*
"NO. No fashion designing! You will join classes for engineering CET."
*Sigh* I'm doomed.
"Can I atleast appear for the NIFT entrance exam?"
12th board results- 85%
CET results- bombed
NIFT exam results- A.I.R- 3
NIFT it is!!! *yayeee*
Mum bestows me with silent treatment again. *no yayee*
"You will regret this. I don't understand why you want to be a tailor! WHAT decent job will you get!?!?" my parents words keep echoing in my head.
"I will never regret this! This is where I belong!! I'm good at this!" I convince myself.
Several degrees of emotional/ physical/ mental attyachaar at NIFT.
global fucking recession.
"We like your work, but we have the number of designers we were looking for. But we'll definitely let you know if anything opens up! Ok?"
"Thank you sir."
"I told you so!"
Right. I never quite forgot that.
I'm supposed to start looking a job!! Start taking responsibilities!! Start being an adult!!
When the fuck did I grow up??? Why didn't someone tell me!??!
How can I make it stop!!?
*starts singing 'yeehhhhhh kyaa huaaa....kaise huaa...kab huaaaaaaaaa'*
ps:- By the way, I HATE valentine's day!
Kullad waali chai,
Karol bag ka chaat
Yaaron da tashan
Delhi ki pehchaan,
Metro ki shaan.
Sexy Boot's galore.
Shopping some more.
Flea market sharks.
Fabrics and lace.
In a perfect maze.
Hot girl’s pouts.
Republic day parade.
Big chill’s café.
Sinful mud pies.
Super hot guys!
Chorus ‘aye haye!’
Warm and comfy blankets.
Hot steaming baths.
Dilli waalon ka thaath.
Parantha and ghee.
Blue blooded punters.
Swearing ‘By god!’
‘Masakalli…matak kalli.. …’
Oye Chalo delhi :)
Monday, January 26, 2009 | | 12 Comments
World's BEST restaurant bathrooms!
There was a show on that!!
On discovery, travel and living!
Cool eh? :P
Oh well yes it was. Amusing more like. Slightly disgusting though, but I had NOTHING better to watch.
The countdown started from 10. Now I only started watching it when they were on no.7
You will have to excuse my sucky memory, about the names of restaurants, but I'm gonna try my best.
Morimoto's sushi restaurant
location: I don't remember
famous for: hygienic hands free bathroom experience.
Apparently Morimoto wanted to gift his customers the joy of visiting a bathroom and experiencing an absolute hands free loo !
Complete with high tech bathroom plumbing, starting from self flushing toilets, that sense your body heat when you sit on the pot and allow you to relieve yourself, after which they automatically flush themselves on sensing the loss of body heat on its surface! The taps sense the presence of your hand under them and allow you to wash your hands. They even shut down automatically. And then there are the hand driers. No surprises here...they are automatic as well!!
Really hygienic! You don't have to touch, ANYTHING!
Now you may get back to to your sushi.
Oh, and by the way, there are no doors to the loo. Because you don't wanna touch the door knob and get your hands dirty after that hygienic experience, right?! ;)
Lets move on!
Location: somewhere in USA
A loo that has see through doors and walls made of glass!
Absolutely transparent!! And guess what...its unisex!
Kinky??? Absolutely NOT!
If you fear to visit such a bathroom, it means you have missed the switch right next to the door of the loo....no prizes for guessing the size of this switch!
Anywho, when you switch it on, the doors and glass walls of the loo, fog up!
Thus making it blurry and preventing anyone to catch you off guard in a compromising position!
Now if you miss the switch coz you are just too drunk...whoopsy! Too bad! :P :P
I don't remember the name of the restaurant, but its located on a cruise!
A loo that has two way mirrors for doors.
Now you wanna be sure that no one walks in on you while you are making your deposit?
Guess what?!?! you can spy on people while you are inside the cubicle!!
You can look at them! But they can't look at you!
How cool it that!??
So while you relieve yourself, you can actually snigger and chuckle at the unsuspecting people outside, using your door as a mirror!
now that's creative thinking!
a club called XL
Don't remember where it is!
They have unisex urinals!
With a LARGE aquarium placed right above the urinals for an underwater experience while you pee yourself to glory!
It's for people who aren't afraid to flaunt their stuff in front of men or women! Because anyone can use it! Even homosexuals! wow! Bold!
The owner thinks it's a good hangout place for young people!
You know...cool people...fascinating aquarium...good music...its all good! :P
Oh and some dude was sweet enough to bring his mom to have a look see herself at the infamous loo! why??? Because she LOVES aquariums!! DUH!!
Those poor fishes! :P
The best outdoor picnic bathroom is located at this small town in south KOREA.
now this is my favorite! I kid not!
So what will people do when they go outdoors to have a small picnic with friends or family at the top of this hill and they suddenly feel the need to do their business when nature calls??
'jhaadi ke peeche' we might suggest, but the mayor didn't want to spoil the beauty of the park! He wanted a public urinal set up, before they hosted the 2002 world cup. Because hey! They don't want to get embarrassed internationally for not having a good public urinal! I agree with the fellah!
Enter FIREFLY bathroom! :D :D
Firelfy, because fireflies like to live in clean environment! And so do koreans!
It's huge! The loo I mean.
As soon as you enter, you have a 'meeting area', complete with plenty of wooden benches and plants and fresh air! It's for people to hang out! Or hikers to use it as a meeting point! Whatever! :D
They even have vending machines! You could actually a small little picnic right here!! Or drink tea or coffee! It's the mayor's genuine wish to make peeing, a complete well rounded 'fun' experience!
Now lets enter the loo area!
Bathrooms for the gents consists of urinals that are strategically placed right under the windows just so that you can enjoy the view while you pee!Now that's really considerate!
And because they don't want the ladies to feel left out, they have ultra high tech pots, that have plastic toilet seat covers that change themselves on the press of a button! Oh and they even clean for you, after you are done! :P
Now if THAT wasn't enough, they have a small speaker right next to you that plays soothing sounds of the nature in case you want to drown out unwanted noises that may emerge from you in the process ! :P
Ain't that thoughtful!!?
Yes, this is my favorite loo!
No:2 (:P :P :P no:2!!)
Yeah so moving on!
This loo is at a club called Twilight.
location: now I missed that, coz I had some business to do! :P
Apparently, the most happening part about this club is not the food, or the hot crowd or the dance floor or even the bar (which, by the way, has some really hot shirtless men as bar tenders) but it is...wait for it...... their BATHROOMS!!
I'll tell you WHY!
This loo, is a place that is believed to be a place for people to meet up and make new friends or boyfriends or lovers or whatever.
They have video cameras set up in the bathrooms.
For what joy, you ask?? So that the gents can watch the ladies in their loo!
There are monitors set up in each of the bathrooms. So that that the women can see the men in their loo as well!!
It's a way for singles to meet or to 'break the ice' ! You know how shy singles can be if they have to go up to someone and just buy them a drink!!!
But here, they can exchange numbers, do a strip tease number or even flash!
That IS a cool place! :| :| :|
Now you know why it is so much more popular than the club itself!
*takes a deep breath*
This is the only restaurant in the world that has a spa for a bathroom!
Rules of visiting this place.
1. Visit the bathroom.
2. Eat the food.
3. Pay the bill.
After a 2 hours bathroom spa experience, complete with sauna baths, herbal massages and a cold shower, you finally get to go have dinner!(reindeer stew! eeww! )
Because when you visit the Expedition, you HAVE to'experience' the Expedition!
Oh and extra 150 dollars for the spa experience!!
SO there you go!!!
The ultimate LOO experience awaits you!
Sunday, January 04, 2009 | | 13 Comments
10th December 2008 - That fateful day
I earn myself a Re-jury.
First one in my 4 years of college.
11 a.m- Fashion and Apparel department.
"I didn't expect this from you! And you are one of the good students in class!"
"What happened to you?!?!"
"I'm sure this was a class decision!How come so many of you haven't finished your work!"
"Ma'am it was no class decision! I don't work according to other people's terms!"
"So that means you are the ring leader!!"
"What!?!??! No!! There IS no 'ring leader'!"
"Then you must be the follower! I'm sure there are people who are making you jump through hoops! You have incomplete work, we can't allow you to present yourself in front of the jury members!"
"Ma'am I have quality material, I assure you..."
"INCOMPLETE WORK! So NO!"
"Alright. Will you atleast tell me when will the Re-jury be scheduled?"
"Re-jury?? *chuckles* You need to appear for a jury and fail in that, only then will you qualify for a re-jury! If you haven't appeared for a jury, you will have to consider a semester drop!"
Unhuh.OK. So no jury.
"If they wouldn't let you appear for the jury, you should've come home and slept na! What were you doing there till now!? You haven't slept properly for days! And did you eat??? Go have dinner and go to bed."
Sunday, December 14, 2008 | | 13 Comments
They've got the stuff!
- filter coffee
- navi mumbai
- new dress
- new year
- paani puri