Of guilt and Parenthood...
It’s really easy to make mistakes, to possibly do something really terrible and forgive yourself for it, to mess up big time and keep it as your little deep dark secret that NO ONE else has to know about….. but when you get caught doing it…don’t you wish that the Earth swallowed you whole or perhaps the sky abducted you, or even better you could dig a hole big enough for yourself and just bury yourself in there!?!?
*shudders*
I hate being caught after doing something I know is wrong!
Then there is the supermassive guilt attack.. And then its just so suffocating, you wish that something worse happened so you wouldn’t have to deal with this!
Ok ….so what I’m trying to say is, I’m a terrible person and I did something that could qualify for being criminal, and my parents found out! Even in the worst case scenario I hoped them to be the last to ever catch me red-handed!
But they did.
My reaction…. DENIAL. Downright, in your face, don’t-you-point-your-finger-at-me denial! And I tried my best till I myself could believe it!
One thing a daughter/son should always keep in mind, your parents weren’t born yesterday; they probably know you better than you think they do.
Ok so I have learnt that now!
After a point, my parents gave up. But they had not even yelled at me or even shown teensy-weensy bit of anger. (super-supermassive guilt attack)
And they pretended that nothing happened, even after they knew I was at fault.
Oh god! I could just kill myself! I wish they had yelled!
But today I had the courage to do the right thing.
A friend talked me through it. Thanks! =)
I apologized to my dad, through a message, coz I knew I wouldn’t be able to face him in the evening otherwise. For Christ’s sake! I couldn’t even face myself in the morning!
‘Don’t worry, we will always forgive you. Ask us if ever you need anything. Tc.’ He replies.
I could’ve bawled like a baby!! How do they have the strength to do that!!!???
I still have to go home and apologize to mom. Hope she forgives me too! At times like this, I wish I had a brown paper bag handy…so that I wouldn’t have to show her my face!
Being a parent is NOT easy!!
I love both of them…and my sister.
In other news….
Work is going really well!
I’m enjoying it now.
There are people at my workplace, who call me ‘Isha madam’!
How cool is that!?!?
With my supervisor in France, my boss in Hong Kong, and my class-mate Viyanka taking bed-rest, I am in-charge!! I’m loving it! Although slightly nervous, I think I will be just fine! *grins*
Monday, June 16, 2008 | labels enjoy, forgiveness, guilt, mistakes, parents, shame, work | 7 Comments
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